By Leah Wiseman, Writer for Marketing for a Man

In the world of the single dating woman, is there any topic that brings more volatility and controversy to a conversation than the subject of online dating? It seems that all women, regardless of age, race, profession, etc have a most definite opinion on the thought of foraying into the online realm to meet your man. There are those, like myself, who list “professional dater” somewhere on their resume, and who believe that any way to meet men that does not require one to shave one’s legs first is the greatest thing since sliced bread and Special K bars. Then there are our darker sisters, those who have been married to the same man since 1990, ( I won't name any names, Amy Stevens) who frown upon the online existence and are sure that skeletons or other body parts are part of the feng shui in each of the men’s homes.

So where does that leave us? Who is right?

Well, based on my years of cruising the internet Main Street I can tell you the answer. Both.

I have been involved with several of the popular dating sites over the past 10 years, and I can assure you with all certainty that there are men on these sites who are fabulous, smart, kind, and who can honestly be a great love of your life.

I can also assure you with all certainty that there are some men whom after meeting them, you are absolutely sure that they run a creepy little hotel somewhere with their dead mother taxidermied in the attic.

So success in this arena most assuredly belongs to YOU. Online dating requires judgment, trust (but not TOO much trust), a sense of adventure and a LOT of patience.  Over the years I have kept a mental list of tips on the issue, kind of a “note to self” box inside my mind. So now I will share with you the things that I have learned, the things that I have not yet learned, and mostly just pieces from my experiences that might help someone new to this world navigate without circumnavigating. I will try not to bore you with the obvious- any grown woman should know not to send money, drugs, or any other questionable paraphernalia to an online interest.

1)  Beware of the Stepford Date- Remember the movie, “The Stepford Wives” where all the women had been replaced with compliant and perfect body doubles? Well, Match.com should have a category or box to check for this phenomenon. If a guy’s picture has expensive designer clothes and hair that looks as if he takes it off at night and keeps it in a case next to his bed, take a closer look. First of all, realistically speaking, there is a chance that this may not even be the said person. Secondly, if it is, ask yourself this—do you really want to spend your time with a man who frequents Glamour Shots?

I would recommend gravitating toward men whose pictures look like real people. Also bear in mind that men who treasure looking perfect probably expect the same in partner, and who can keep that up longer than say, for one photo? Keep it real, ladies; look for pictures of men with their dogs, their cars, their kids, something that makes you think they have a real life.

2)   Beware of Impossible Expectations- I would be cautious of profiles where a man lists more than two or three specific requirements in a mate. While it is admirable to know what one wants in a relationship, flexibility and adaptability are also nice features. If someone has a long laundry list of exactly what they want (hmmmm, could this be why they are single??) then its likely that they are searching for the impossible. If a man says that he tends to be attracted to small boned, petite, brunette women—believe him. If you are a 5’9 redhead, don’t go there.

I once dated a man, an average man, who broke up with me because I didn’t speak a foreign language or have any unusual interesting hobbies. (Forget that I spoke perfect “male 2 year old” at the time and my hobby was changing diapers). So being an intelligent woman who has an interesting career, plays a musical instrument and raises two sons alone was not enough. He was Mr. Cookie Cutter. He had a very specific idea of what he wanted, and was not able to bend or flex on it at all. And, last time I checked, Mr. Cookie Cutter is still single-J Try to steer clear of those with rigid expectations or ideas, unless perhaps you fit all 32 specified requirements. And even then, don’t be surprised if rigidity creeps into your relationship in other areas.

3)   Be Aware of What You Can Live With—While I never suggest having overly specific pre formed notions about what you want in a man, it is a good idea to take a self inventory and know what you like and don’t like on a general basis. Know your limits. Know your deal breakers. I once dated a lovely widower who was great in many respects. He was handsome, gainfully employed, and a fantastic father. But beneath that normal yuppie exterior there lurked a hidden agenda. He was Microscope Man. In the warm and lovely afterglow of sex, he would lie next to me and inspect my body with a fine tooth comb, finding every minute blemish or unshaven hair that somehow escaped my razor. One day as he moved from blemishes and began pulling out some of the longer hairs on my arms, I suddenly got a chilling mental image of an orangutan eating the bugs that he groomed off his partner. Certain that if I stuck around long enough I would walk away with a free but painful Brazilian bikini line, I ran for the door. Was this lethal? Insulting? Not really. But it made me uncomfortable. And you should never, never stick round with something said, done, or written that makes you uncomfortable.

4)   Trust your gut- This is by far the most important, and the most serious of my tips. So many women are so gung-ho to find someone to share something with that they lose all common sense in the process. I myself have ignored that little feeling in my belly and the little voice in my mind warning me about someone or something, and it never turns out well.  I don’t care how unimportant it seems, or how much you can justify it in your intellectual mind. If you look at a picture, or hear a man’s voice, or something that he says, or even just a look and you feel that little internal warning—listen. While this is most pertinent to situations that could be potentially dangerous, it is also valuable in other scenarios. I have “talked myself into loving someone” more times that I can count because I should, because it made sense, or because I was lonely. Eventually, your intellect and your gut get together and agree, and kick you in the ass.

5) Trust others (but not overly so) - In the world of online dating, it is my practice to take anything anyone says with a grain of salt. This is an easy format in which to tell untruths, but there is a significant difference between being overly suspicious and not trusting anyone, to questioning what someone says and keeping an eye on things. Just keep a mental list- be cognizant of what has been said or written in the past and every so often gauge those against the newer things. Anyone can lie short term. It takes a freakishly special kind of person to carry it on for very long. If a man grew up in Toledo and had 3 brothers two months ago and suddenly refers to Houston as his only child upbringing hometown, let it be a red flag. Am I suggesting that you go on a first date armed with a polygraph machine demanding copies of birth certificates and other vital records? No, because then you become the one who someone has a weird gut feeling about. Keep your senses intact. Don’t let feelings negate intelligence. Trust yourself. Trust him. Just don’t be a bonehead.

c2008 Marketing for a Man

Jerri Conrado is the author of Marketing for a Man. She is the owner and the managing partner of Marketing Edge Ventures located in Austin, Texas. She available for interviews and speaking engagements and can be reached by calling (512) 914-9074 or by emailing her manager at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it  To read more about Jerri and Marketing for a Man, please visit http://www.marketingforaman.com.